You learn interesting things from blogs. wesput an entry out on histwitterthat pointed tothis entry about anal sexand being a curious individual, I headed back to the blog’shome pageand was scrolling through entries, and ran acrossthis entry about infidelityand was impressed about what I read. I’m going to quote the entry in it’s entirety because I feel a few x gf’s of mine that read this blog can bennifit from this entries wisdom and it might help them in the future.

Can you overcome infidelity?
I had a question about this from a reader today and I have to say that I’m not a therapist or a marriage counselor..they would still be your first resource. However, I will give you my thoughts about this.

I think the the old adage of “once a cheater, always a cheater” isn’t true. I do believe that we are capable of monogamy. I also believe that women and men cheat about the same, although the stereotype is that men are always the ones committing the infidelities. I think that women cheating is on the rise, because women are out in the job market more than they have ever been. They are now encountering more men and interacting with other males in higher numbers…this has lead to an increase in women cheating. So, no longer can we point the finger at the men only!

I believe that almost every long term relationship will encounter infidelity at some point. The degree of infidelity may vary…maybe its a blow job…or a kiss..or sexting or full on sex. Maybe its emotional infidelity. We have reached a technological age that our grandparents didn’t have available, so the thought of a modern day marriage lasting 50 years without either partner cheating in some way seems almost inconceivable. However, do I think it has to be the kiss of death to the marriage? NO…

I think if your partner has cheated, be it the man or woman, the first thing to do is look at how you found out. Did they confess it to you, out of remorse and guilt? Did you catch them fucking in your bed? Was it a drunken night out that got out of hand, or was it serial infidelity that has been going on long term and repeatedly? The answer to those questions will clue you in on if your relationship can survive the infidelity or not. If your partner confesses to you, then I’d say there is hope for your relationship. If you catch them fucking in your bed, probably not. If its a one time incident where things got out of hand and alcohol was involved, again there may be hope. If they are a serial cheater and you’ve caught them numerous times..then its probably time to cut your losses.

I’m going to use the man as the cheater in my post, because the reader today was asking me about her husband..however, the advice applies to both sexes and I don’t want to imply that this article is to bash men.

So, lets look at the scenario where I think your marriage could survive and maybe even come out stronger in the long run. Say your partner has cheated…they confess the infidelity to you and tell you what happened. Okay, that is good that they are remorseful, it shows that they are aware their actions have dire consequences. The fact that they are willing to discuss with you how it happened, again shows that they are seeking your forgiveness. I think these all show that your partner made a huge mistake and is truly sorry for it. The one thing you need to do is get to the bottom of why it happened. This may mean you will hear things that you don’t want to hear…because cheating is almost never just about sex. Its about a lack of connection, communication, love, or affection…its about not feeling heard or appreciated…usually the last thing its about is gettin’ some strange cock or pussy.

Once you find out what the root of the problem is, then you can address how to fix that…in addition to the broken trust. Trust is such a hard thing to get back once its broken. Don’t expect to confess to your partner and then get pissed the next week when she grills you about where you’re going and when you’ll be back…trust has to be earned back once its broken and you have to realize that it will take time. That being said you also have to look into yourself and see if you can truly forgive. By forgiving, I mean letting go of the image of your partner with another person…letting go of your anger and resentment…of not throwing it up in their face at every fight. Forgiveness is truly more important for YOU than your partner, because holding onto those feelings will only bring stress and negativity into YOUR life. If you think you can reach that point where you have forgiven your partner then of course, move in the direction of healing your relationship. However, if you don’t think you can ever forgive them or see them the same way…then it may be time to realize that you can’t stay in an unhealthy relationship, and if your relationship continues under those conditions it WILL be unhealthy for both of you.

I think that there is a place for marriage counselors and therapists and if you want to truly mend your relationship then look into seeing someone that can be a neutral 3rd party to help you work out why it happened and help you release your feelings of anger and hurt in a productive way. I know that we all have a knee jerk reaction to someone cheating on us…its anger, hurt, jealousy and fear. You fear that you are going to lose your partner, that life will change forever…that is a big fear. It may or may not come true, but you can’t live your life based on fear. Fear freezes you in place…and if you are going to move beyond an infidelity and become a better couple then you have to take steps away from fear and towards healing.

One of the hardest things to overcome in a relationship…in my opinion…is a lack of respect. If your partner has no respect for you then they won’t care about hurting your feelings. They won’t care about your embarrassment or anger. They will feel that they can do as they wish and you’ll do nothing about it because they have the “upper hand” in the relationship. A lack of respect is worse than a lack of trust in my eyes. Trust can be rebuilt over time, someone that doesn’t respect you will probably never respect you. So, look at a partner that has cheated multiple times…why don’t they just leave you? If they want to behave like they are single then what is keeping them from being single? If you look at that you may see that you are being USED. You are being used to watch the children, or bring home a paycheck. You are being used and they could care less about anything but you serving their purpose.

This is a relationship that you should really consider if you wouldn’t be better off on your own than in a toxic and hurtful relationship. Again, don’t let fear freeze you in place…move forward toward what you deserve, a loving and committed relationship, but first you need to let go of the one holding you back. So, although it doesn’t seem like it…sometimes infidelity is a good thing, because it opens our eyes to what we try to not see. It is a catalyst that causes us to act when nothing else would.

I think that affairs/infidelity/cheating hurts. It hurts your true partner, it hurts the person you’re cheating with, it hurts your integrity and values. I think there is no good that comes from cheating and if you are ever on that edge, instead of stepping off, turn around and go back. Go to your partner and talk to them truthfully about what you need and what. Talk to them about what you’re missing in your relationship. Try to make the relationship you are in the one you want. Its easier to fix it now than it is after you’ve cheated. So, take a deep breath and realize temptation is all around us, but we don’t have to give in to it. We can rise above..we can stand our ground and realize that you can choose to make a good decision or a bad one. The consequences of that decision will reverberate through your life…so stop…STOP and really think if its worth it.

I want nothing more for any of my readers than to have wonderful, loving and happy relationships. I want you to get what you need, want and deserve from your partner. But, I know that life is rarely perfect and the road is never smooth that we travel. However, you can look within and see the person you want to be, and the relationship you want to have and strive towards it. It is within your reach, you just have to be willing to put in the work, the time, the communication and commitment to make it all you deserve.

That’s my wisdom for the night. later, all.

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1. Shane’s on a bus heading back to Ottawa.
2. I’m emotionally fucking wiped right out.
3. As a result of the above, I’m ready to stuff my foot up the ass of the next person who anoys me.
4. For the love of whatever may or may not be holy, please don’t let it be one of you.
5. Packing in a holy fuck hurry results in you not nowing where in the hell half your shit is. don’t try it at… well…no, you won’t try it at home.
6. If something doesn’t go right soon, I’m gonna snap and probably end up in the hospital getting downers by IV until they can find something they don’t have to shoot me up with that won’t make me a spaceshot.
7. Related: Murphy, back the fuck off or I’m gonna die and go wherever you are just for the sole purpose of kickin’ your ass, then I’ll reincarnate as a cat. (Preferably a spoiled and well-love one like mine.)
8. The visuals I could provide you with if Shane doesn’t get a work visa for the states could curl your toes, make your eyes water and essentially make you cry like a little girl and run away.
9. Also, a note to whatever cabbie drove me to a friend’s place for the night, I can shut the door myself thank you, there’s really no need to shut it on me, no, really, I promise. You’re quite lucky you missed and didn’t nail me in the rib cage because I would’ve called your manager and he and I would’ve had a conversation.
In summary, now that I’ve been sitting here spewing brain vomit all over the place, I feel somewhat kinda sorta more human. Now, let’s not have anything else turn into a royal fucking clusterfuck please and thank you? Good thing flip-a-shit-ometers are not actually physical devices, I’d've had to replace about 10 over the last week.

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Below are various notes to the stupid, in no particular order because Window-Eyes and WordPress just had an argument and I had to intervene and force them to fight nicely.
1. If I tell you something 2 weeks before I do something with which you may or may not have an issue, and then sit on my thumb for ages, I’m going to assume you’re either an idiot who doesn’t pay attention to email which is the only form of contact I have with you, or that you really don’t give a goddamn what I do.
2. If I get an email hours before the deal’s already sealed, and then you don’t say word 1 to me after the fact, you have already put me in a precarious position, one from which I hav to do metaphorical gymnastics to rebound.
3. Whining to Mommy don’t get ya nowhere. Whining to the boss is not how you solve your problems like an adult!
4. If you don’t have any solutions for contortions which I can use to extract myself from the fuck shit stack I am currently stuck in, shut up and get outa my way because stuff’s gonna fly. A person 4 feet and 10 inches in height cannot easily extract herself from a pool of quicksand and dog shit 10 feet deep.
5. Communication is your happyfriend. Fucking use it and stop avoiding me.
6. When I’m already stressin’ right outa my mind, that is not the time to start hammering on me! Once again, I’ll say, step the hell off.
7. Again with the communication: there are multiple ways to, say, check your email. Hi, can we say I’m kissin’ data overages this month?
Done now. The humidity in this room is doing shitty things to this keyboard, and I think I’ve hammered my points to death in various other forms. If the dude across the room wants the floor on the situation at hand,he can have it.
Sidenote: Window-Eyes or wordpress has eaten my categories for an after-dinner snack. Damn it. Not cute.

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Yeah, I’m lazy.
Deal with it.
I’ve been back on this side of the boarder, for what, almost a month.
in list format, because I’m just to goddamn lazy, and expanding thoughts undercafinated is not how I roll, oh, and because I can.

• I returned from the states march 3, 2011.< relatively in tact, sanity not withstanding. Surf the blog in february for the few blog posts pertaining to it.
• Came back to more ODSP horseshit, that will see the light of day when I’m not lazy and can form a comprehensive blog post on the stupid. short version, hi questionaire that attempted to say
  james and I were married. um, how about, not. That reminds me, I need to sign that, scan it and get it the hell back to the office.
• More hospital related garbage, we think I’ve got a depression issue, but, that’s right, my health plan won’t cover meds to help me that don’t break my brain. now, where’d that money tree go?


• I’m attempting to figure out relationship related things, partially due to depression, and partially other shit, that multiple people got the result of spued all over their monitors, thanks
  simon
  Kyra
  for dealing with the majority of it. I know it probably made your computers explode, but that’s ok, their’s the money tree, right? um, no. lol.
• The hockey posts? knowing I haven’t posted a damn one since february 13, the short version, we suck, fuck off, and die, sums up the majority of those games. So, we’ll just forgo the spam that’ll happen if I attempt to catch up, k? sound like a good idea? yeah, that’s what I thought.
• james mother is still of the opinion I don’t need ibuprofen, as advol is the same, and my specialist really really wants to slap her upside the head with something blunt. as me, and you all, probably know, when my specialist, (or now nearly my full time doctor, but more on that in another entry, maybe.), says bounce, this is what you need, it probably means get it and STFU. their are certain parental figures that need to learn the art of your not my doctor, she is, either help me get what I need or get the goddamn hell outta my way, k?

that, in squished format, is me.
Now, where the hell’s the money tree, and the cafinated beverages.

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I thought I was done issuing clues to the stupid today? it’s almost 5 PM as I start this. I guess clue issuance doesn’t have office hours. Having said that, I guess stupid doesn’t either. And I take it those who issue clue don’t get sickdays? I could’ve taken one today. somewhere, one of you just asked, “Oh for fuck’s sakes, what could’ve possibly blown up now? Shane’s out of the country for Christ’s sakes!” Yeah, well of course he’s out of the country. but that doesn’t mean my family’s stupid license wasn’t revoked. Of course not. that’d be too easy. I’m digging through email again. Personal email. Translation: the address the family has. this can only end in cursing, right? Well, of course.

Over the past couple days, my mother seemed to have gotten some weed in her system, gotten the bug out of her ass, and started acting like a normal human being. she even cracked a joke in her last message about me buying her an iPhone for her 40th birthday. So you’d think that the stupid was if not gone, at least significantly curtailed, right? Excuse me while I pop your happy little bubble where everything’s perfect… Ah, there, that’s better. Incoming stupid! Duck and cover! (Note that the email address of the guilty party is not provided here for the author’s sanity and safety.)

Mon, Mar 7, 2011 at 4:08 PM
From: (My grandmother)
To: Krista Pennell

Hi Krista
Auntie called me last night and she wants to take you out to lunch for your birthday, I guess this weekend
she wants me to go too. Dad and I are happy you are coming home. Remember you can not bring Shane home
with you. I don;t want what happened for your birthday to happen. Email me back please
Love you

Now, let’s review, children, shall we?
When was Shane supposed to leave? tuesday.
When did he actually leave? Wednesday. We’ll blame Fitchburg State, the MBTA, and Greyhound for that, but that’s his deal not mine.
Who paid, more often than not, whenever we went to do something, whether it was traveling to New Hampshire to hang with friends, grab takeout because cafeteria food is meh, or go out to dinner by ourselves, without people whining they wanna go with us? that’s right, Shane did.
What did I contribute? I was able to pay for his food when his wallet walked off, give him a place to stay, and let him borrow my equipment while we waited for his to get here. (Thanks, asshole in Montreal, that was much appreciated. And asshole who jacked his wallet? Hell. Go there. now. Move). This trip was not under the niftiest of circumstances, as you well know, and as I’ve said before, we thank everyone who was able to pull it off the ground when it did go sideways.

that having been said, what the hell do I have to do to get it through people’s heads that he’s not taking advantage of me? Is my family really that overprotective, stupid, and unwilling to treat me like an adult that they’re hammering it into their own heads that he’s taking advantage of me? And how am I supposed to show them he’s not when they won’t give me the chance to? My mother, for one, complains that I don’t include him in anything. well, how do I do that when you won’t allow me to, you dumb ass? And grandmother, you know better. You of all people, know that I despise when people behave like that. You knew I didn’t want a birthday party, you knew it would’ve been too much for me to deal with. You knew I wanted Shane to meet everyone. I understand mother had a tantrum, oh my god, 2 and a half weeks ago, but that doesn’t give you the right to bring it up and throw it in my face. We’ve spoken of this before. I’ve told you I’m not going to be the old lady with 7000 cats just to make my mother happy and make her not have to, *gasp*, deal with people she may or may not like. the only person I’ve ever dated that she’s liked is cory. God forbid I date anyone else. she’s never liked anyone I’ve dated, with the exception of one guy, and that’s because his parents were filthy motherfucking rich. But he lived all the way out in Boston, and god forbid I be allowed to travel there. Oh, and he wasn’t necessarily college material either, so I guess the only reason she ever liked him was his rich family. Hell, she’s never really even liked any of my blind friends, again, with the notable exception of Cory. I know I referred in my last post to the poor guy whose family originated from Pakistan whom she ragged on so bad behind his back that I took pity on the poor kid and stopped talking to him. she never ragged on any of my other friends that bad, but when I hung around the few sighted people who would tolerate being seen with the blind girl in my early high school days, you could tell she was much happier about that. Take for example my friend Jay, who had one whole side of his face crushed by a jet-ski about 4 years back. He too, was blind. Did she ever rag on him, even if his face was scarred up all to hell? No. Did she rag on my friend who is wheelchair bound and only has partial use of one hand? No. All of these people have one thing in common, including Shane. That is that they all, somehow, look different. Hell, even I do. And we know she’s all over me constantly about my looks. So what the hell is her problem? Shane has done nothing to hurt me, nor has he done anything to her. When he met her, he was nothing but civil to her. And she didn’t give him any hell either. What seems to be the problem, now, and how the hell do I fix it? Given her previous history with friends of mine and people I’ve dated, how was I supposed to know she’d pull this on Shane? And why, suddenly, is my grandmother behaving like this? What’d I do to her? How’s he supposed to meet the rest of the family if they won’t remove their collective cranium from their rectum? Mother says she wants to see him included in things, and so do I, but how is that possible when everyone’s being stupid? How did they go from being accepting of this in November, to this attitude of disgust, now?
End brain vomit. Time to go get actual work done, now. it’s 7:35 and I’m still in an awesome mood because of that one email. Just… Meh. I hate people somedays.

Popularity: 47%

Oh god, the stupid strikes again.
So on a wim I dial up the ODSP IVR, the thing that tells me how much money I’m getting, or not getting, depending on your side of the fence, and get simarily told your file’s currently on hold.
after the appropriate amount of WTF happens, I ping my ODSP worker and go, last time I checked my file was fine, what the hell’s going on.
in list format have these appropriate amount of wtf results.
According to certain individuals I’m supposedly, ready?:

1. Married to krista.


2. We have a child on the way because I supposedly had unprotected sex.
3. I moved down their perminantly and didn’t report that to ODSP.

firstly, how the hell can I be married to krista when we’re not even engaged?
Secondly, a child? seriously? how the hell’d that happen, from 400 miles away? that’d have to be one long ass dick, ok? just… omg.
Thirdly? moved down their? really? except not. Wishful thinking, but sadly, didn’t happen.
So the result of that, kathy, my worker, now has to issue appropriate amounts of clue to get this fixed, and attempt to not die while laughing.
Kathy indicates this little implosion that is the stupid should be fixed by friday at the *latest*.
I was highly amused, in a, are you fuckin’ serious? kinda way.
The lengths some people will go to.
just, jesus christ.
Please do be not trying that again. You’ll fail, again.
unrelated: CNIB? *totally* blind is just that, totally, 0, no, sight, so take your low vision assessment and shove it up your ass. it’s not needed in this apartment. thanks for trying, though.

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For those who still haven’t realized how this works, let me clue you in on a little something, and I’ll do you a favor and do it in list format.

• I am dating Krista. and sorry, I don’t share.


• She is not abusing me. unlike some others I could name.


• She is not taking advantage of me, or using me to get away from her parents. nor is she using me to pay her financial way in life, like someone else I could mention.


• I’m not in this relationship for sex, even if certain backwater scumbags think that’s all I think about/want in life/from a relationship.


• I’m not using
  james
  and his credit card to get what I want in life. Nor am I using him to finance my upcoming trip to the states. This is paid for by me, nobody else. All james credit card did was hold the ticket, I paid for it out of pocket. once again, thanks for playing.

So in short, please, get you an education, get your facts straight and jump off the highist cliff available to you, and don’t take a parrashute with you either.
thanks for playing, next, please?

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so, I’ve scheduled another trip to see krista.
That trip, scheduled from February 1, 2011 to march 1, 2011.
This aughta be loads of fun. *grin, bounce.*.
unrelated: wordpress quit breaking and making my formatting fall all over the floor when my lazyness strikes and I copy and paste posts from notepad. thanks.

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So, while reviewing this blogs archives for the past just over a year it’s time I come up with one of these.
I refer you to the disclaimer of content above to cover my ass as somethings in review here people might not like but to damn bad.
For lack of the fact that I’m in a mood, have it, in list format in reverse chronological order.

• July 2009

after breaking up with amber, I begin dating kerri, who has been refered to in multiple posts here on this blog.
I get heavily involved with arik, her child.

• September 2009

The relationship is still going strong, we’re in the middle of court central dealing with the fact that I’m supposedly blind, being a safety risk to children, yada yada.
I also attend my first concert. Marralyn manson. Fun times.

• November 2009

Kerri and i end up breaking up for a number of reasons we won’t go into.

• January 2010

I end up moving out of the queen street apartments into another building in a better area of town.

• April 2010

I end up starting to date chelsea, and we hammer out the meriad of paperwork required to get me across the boarder.
I aquire my passport and the ticket to go see her.


• May 2010

I go and spend a month in new york, meeting chelsea, and lauren, among others, and a grand time is had by all.
During this visit chelsea indicates she’s not ready for a long term relationship. so their that goes.

• June 2010

I return from the states to find the apartment I’m living in a mess, things not where they should be, etc. etc. etc.
At that point I’d already been looking into moving, but that, things being out of place and nobody taking ownership for the apartments state of mess, shoved that move ahead by alot.

• July 2010

I end up being hospitalized for what I thought, was a mild knee injury, but turned out not to be as mild as initially thought.
This month also brought me into contact with krista, who has been previously mentioned here as well, and our talking and interactions brought us to dating.

• September 2010

a ticket is booked to go see krista in november.
• October 2010

Issues at my current residence at the time started heating up and plans were slowly coming together for a major move after my return from the states to live with now my current roommate
james
• November 2010

My 2nd trip to the states, and first meeting with krista.
See entries from that month for complete details.

• December 2010

My move from hamilton to petawawa rounds out the just over a year of interesting major events.

So, that, in a nutshell is major happenings since july 2009.
Surf the archive of this thing if your looking for something specific that I may have posted here.

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It’s still hard, as I sit on the bus, heading home, from a trip that I won’t forget.
Since July, 2010 from the hospitalization, to now, I’ve been picked up from so many crashes and kept going, it’s scary.
Finding someone that doesn’t run when my moods go from outrage to hiding as quick as they do is hard. But as I’ve posted previously here, you can tell I’ve found that person.
As I travel home, I found 2 pieces of writing that I think were posted previously here , but fit, as well as wrote a third one, that, well, I never stuck a title to, but that was written without brainstorm, my brain kinda spewed forth.

I warn any of the pickier readers here, I don’t spellcheck or grammar check these, it’s the content not the structure that’s important.

I don’t know where I’ll be posting this from, weather I’ll be at home, or from a random wifi connection on the way as currently I’m unable to get online from the bus I’m on.

But never the less. here you go.

The inspiration for this first one came from a conversation I had with a teacher, back in my 6th grade days, and funnily enough won me the 6th grade writing compitition that year.

Scarily, I wasn’t intending to show this to anyone, but my teacher saw me writing it during a computer class and wanted to submit it.

This, is the result.

the unspoken vow.
By: Shane Davidson

Eternity
It goes way passed physical life itself, and far beyond forever. It’s built upon the love
and trust you and your partner have together. It reaches beyond anything beyond physical
controll. You find that special person who makes you whole. It makes you more complete than can ever be explained. This person is your one and only through the joy and pain. A love so unconditional that no family can divide it. It was a daring secret you can’t live without and you don’t want to hide it. its a feeling that could only be sent from heaven above. It’s more powerful then what you think is love. I know that I have found this when i hear your voice. Every time I speak your name I know I’ve made a right choice. You are my one and only. You’re always there whether I’m happy sad or lonely. Without you I don’t know how I ever made it. Thanks for always being my everything. I’ll love you forever.

I know, sappy, and just, some of you might puke, get the hell over yourselves or stop reading. *grin*.

I just realized I think that’s the unspellchecked copy but I can’t seem to locate the official copy that got submitted as the contest winner.

This next one, was inspired, funnily enough by an X of mine, who to this day, even though she can be a royal bitch at times and I wanna strangle the fuck outta her, she’s like a bigger sister, and hey, I’ll take inspiration wherever I can get it. yeah?

and for those wondering, No, it’s not kerri! I didn’t even know her back then, so bleh at your heads!

Here you go with this one.

True relationships never really die
by: Shane Davidson

True relationships never really die
And family isn’t defined by blood
It’s made strong by bonds that won’t break
Tempered and tested by trials and pain
what you mean to me is more than words can describe
you’ve been loyal to me from the beginning
And no matter what happens between this moment and then
I shall be always thankful to have you in my life.
You’ve been their when I’ve needed someone to talk to
you’ve been their when I’ve needed a hsolder to cry on.
When things got tough, you were always their, ready to help, and assist me.
You made me see my errors and helped me fix them
you brought me to an understanding that I’ve never had.
You’ve showed me what it means to be loved and what love really means.
It’s not the words or the intimacy that defines what love is.
it’s the closeness, the bond between two people, that make love what love is.
You’ve showed me what it means to be happy, to have someone who truly loves me.
When I asked you that day way back when, I expected to be rejected, to be pushed away because of who I was, what I had done in the past.
Not you. You excepted me for who I was.
You didn’t ask me to change who I was, to change my personality to suit your needs.
You became my rock, my everything.
You are the reason I continue to carry on through the tough times.
You are the reason I want to get up in the morning.
You are my strength, my shield, my all.
Without you, I don’t know where I’d be.

As an aside, no that one didn’t win me anything, it’s probably to blaw to be worth much, but hell, my blog, my stuff, don’t like, piss off.

Ok, so to the one that got written in an hour of nonstop typing, and took 5 different rewrites during that hour to get right.

Welcome to random things being written on a bus. yeah?

It don’t have a title, so, kindly, get over yourself, ok?

Here goes.

their are times in your life when you sit and wonder, what’s the point in carrying on, nobody seems to understand my feelings, my problems.
You find people that seem to understand, but as time progresses, you find out their faking it changing themselves to suit you and their hearts not in it.
Then you find the one person, the one person who you know from the breefist conversation that you feel something’s their, their’s a connection like never before.
When around this person you feel free, free to express yourself, your hopes, your dreams, even your deepist secrets.
Their’s no wondering can i trust this person, it’s instant and complete trust.
Their aren’t words to express how i feel, the only thing i can think of is thank you, thank you for simply being their, and keeping me grounded. giving me someone to talk to no matter the situation.
it’s your continued friendship, love, understanding and willingness to see me through the most horrific times that make me want to continue on each and every day.
You’ve brought me through so much, showed me that not everyone is cruil and inhumane. shown me that i can trust again, that their are still reasons to move on from my past, still people that will stand by me through it all no matter what.
I thank you so much for that, for looking past my problems, past my issues and helping me to trust, again.

So their you have it, my sappy, and probably nun too interesting writings that are probably not worth much. hey, I said it earlier, my blog, don’t like the content, go back over their where you came from.

With that, I shall say piece out, and we’ll have something more, whenever that may happen.

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This is unorganized and just me rambling, probably making no sense to anyone but to myself, but what the hell.
I’m writing this just before 10PM on a wednesday.
Their are relationships you think, might last, your not sure of, but you think they’ll last, and inevitably they fall flat on their faces.
Believe me, I’ve been their, more times in the past three years than I care to count.
Relationships I think will last, then, flop, gone, for one reason or another.
Then you find that one person, you don’t need words to express feelings, you can read each other, you both click, on more levels than you realize.
You don’t need to talk or repeatedly tell each other you love each other, you both know it.
The past 2 weeks, have proven that to me.
It’s been 17 days, and honestly, it doesn’t feel like it’s been 17 days. It still feels like yesterday I was leaving for boston, but reviewing tweets, blog entries posted while I’ve been here, yes it has been 17 days, and a pritty eventful 17 days it has been.
I’m saddened to have to leave, but my conditional clearance prevents me from staying longer, we can thank
american boarder control
for that.
Plans are already in the works for the next trip, we’re hoping beginning/mid february, or whenever tax refunds show their faces I’ll be able to come back.
I’ve gotten to know not only krista, but a lot of the friends she’s made here at colige and well, some of them consider me a fixture with her, the other day I was asked while walking down the hall, krista in class, by a random person that’d seen us around, where’s krista, in class?
I can’t find words, to express my feelings.
It saddens me that I have to go, but I know, either she’ll be coming to see me, or I’ll be back here, visiting her, whatever the case may be.
I’m gonna go curl up for awhile, so I’ll post later, or something.

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so after the previous post, the trip wasn’t eventful I ended up making connections, but
as predicted, that 2 hour falling behind thing, pushed the schedule, back by 2 hours.
but I had a lot of help, both getting to boston, and from boston Logan international airport all the way out to fitchburg.
So I’m here, safe and sound.
We’ll come up with more blog material hopefully over the next 18 days.

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Hey all,
I know, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted in this thing.
Whatcha gonna do about it?
Kinda been absolutely nuts around here.
Where to start.
Well a few things of note, on a few different topic fronts, and because I’m geekish we’re gonna list them like this

on a personal front here’s what we’ve got
• I’m no longer single

Meaning, a few individuals need to get over themselves and sit on an electrical fense and get electricuted to death.


• I’m still on a hunt for a knew place to live.

This time it looks like we’ll be moving out of this city if I have my way.
Speaking to
james
And his fiancee
Jessica
We came up with some interesting ideas. So we’ll see how that goes.

on the travel front
• I’m headed back to the states, again!

As of november 1, 2010 I’ll be headed to Boston, MA, to see krista, my other half that was referenced in passing, above.
I’ll be spending 17 days in total their, not counting travel time.
If we factor in the travel time, it’s actually 19 days total.

So as you can see, I’ve got a lot going on.
I’ll be posting more often, with more detailed postings, in the near future, just thought I’d throw this up so you all would know I’m still around.
With that, I bid you a good day, and this quick little post, is done.

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so I haven’t posted in awhile, but this really has me wondering this individuals supposed love for this person, right here.

The following are 6 tweets that


Kerri Murtland


posted on


her twitter page.


They are below and numbered for your sanity.

1. Kerri Murtland: ok so as you all know Tuesday Im starting my STEPS program (specialized training and employment program) tbc… about 29 minutes ago at 12:59:40 PM on 7/17/2010 from mobile web

2. Kerri Murtland: which means its another program to help me gain employment, Tuesday is also the day child tax credit is out. Tbc… about 27 minutes ago at 1:01:30 PM on 7/17/2010 from mobile web

3. Kerri Murtland: so Josh calls me and asks if we can hang out said Tuesday, I said no Im busy why? His reply was tbc… about 25 minutes ago at 1:04:01 PM on 7/17/2010 from mobile web

4. Kerri Murtland: because you get paid on Tuesday, Note to followers I had already stated that other than court Josh could not see me untill August tbc… about 23 minutes ago at 1:06:38 PM on 7/17/2010 from mobile web

5. Kerri Murtland: If I get work who knows from there, Josh proceeded to pitch a fit because I cant buy his birthday present. Followers riddle me this. TBC… about 19 minutes ago at 1:10:43 PM on 7/17/2010 from mobile web

6. Kerri Murtland: If someone claims they love you and their own selfish needs come before you bettering yourself is that love? Final. about 18 minutes ago at 1:11:54 PM on 7/17/2010 from mobile web

Ok, so. let’s do what I do best and have fun with this.

Kerri, has on numorous occasions, told one Mr. Josh Remmelzwaal, (refered to as simply as *he* here on out), that, she does not love him, they *are* not in a relationship, no matter what his little head, between his legs wants to think, and to get over her and to fuck off.

Yes, I did say, the head between his legs.

This is the head he thinks with, and not the head between his ears. That particular organ is filled with air.

So he still doesn’t get this point.

Let’s move on to the reason for this post, that being, his selfish behavior.

Let’s for a second here say for the reasons of this post, that he had a snowballs chance in the firy depths of hell of getting back with kerri for a second chance.

We all know this isn’t true, but let’s pretend, ok?

So, if he truly loved Kerri. would he

*continuely put himself before her

*continuely ask for birthday presents from her?

*knowing that Kerri’s attempting to better her life, bother the crap out of her and want to hang out and when told know, flip a fit?

Um, no!

If you truly loved/cared about someone, in my mind, here’s how this works.

*you, sacrifice whatever you have to, in order to support the individual you want to be/are with.

*you stand by this individual, no matter what life throws at you both, and if this involves more sacrifice, you do it.

*you do not act like a selfish prat, and think your crap comes before the other persons. especially when it comes to finances, if you get a present/something from the person you are with, you be happy about it, but you don’t ask for stuff for your birthday. Kinda, rude, yeah?

TO summarize, in my mind, Mr. Josh, is a selfish, too faced, idiot, who thinks about nothing but himself, and how much he can screw others.

He has no idea of sacrifice, no idea of what it takes to support someone, unless it is bettering him.

If it doesn’t better him, or he’s not getting money, he doesn’t give a shit.

So, in closing, I’m gonna say this.

Josh needs to, to quote a text from kerri

get over me, and move on!

with all that said, I await your comments.

I’ll post another time.

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Hello all,
It’s been awhile since i’ve actually posted something other then random bouts of humor, etc.
So let’s catch up on the happenings in my life.
As those of you who follow my
twitter
will know I’m again single. I’m not going to go into details, it’s in the past and if you really want to know my thoughts on it go read twitter, or ask me via messenger.
As well i’ve moved out of what i most fondly called the cockroach motel, and now live on king street. It’s a better area of town, more accessible to bus routes that i know and can use, and i’m much happier here.
Health wise, i’m going through a lot of issues right now, trying to gain lost weight, severe bouts of depression, medications that aren’t agreeing with me, etc.
If you really want to keep up with me, follow me on twitter, as it’s the fastist way to no what i’m up to.
ok, piece for now.

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This entry isn’t a normal happy entry. it’s mostly gonna be rambling and has no order to it what so ever. Some parts may not even make sense but I just needed to write my feelings.
If you don’t like, stop reading, right the fuck now.
So I went downtown today to do monthly banking, bills, the usual shit, and thought, fine, I’ll see if I could track down kerri, and she could make this go a hell of a lot faster. Oh, I found kerri, all right, but who was she with? Fuckin’ josh! She ended up guiding me to the nearist TD, with josh and his snide comments all the way… things like, don’t touch my kid, keep your hands off, shit like that. It took everything I had not to turn around and belt him upside his fucking head with my cane. I’ve been more of a daddy to that child than he’ll ever be, I’ve made kerri happier for it, but josh doesn’t seem to fucking give up. Anyhow, I asked kerri if she was going to meet me back at TD so I could spend time with her and *my* child, but when I came out, she wasn’t their, come to find out josh had hauled her off to who knows where. Ended up catching up with her at jackson for a breef 30 seconds, because josh, probably thinking I was incompitent wants to feed her. Even though I’d said to her I’d take her to get something to eat. Needless to say after I grabbed something to eat I had to get assistance home, because my focus went to hell, I couldn’t concintrate to save myself. A nice gentlemen ended up giving me a ride because I think he saw my distress and inability to focus. I am now home, but I sit here asking myself, Am I wrong to feel left out? Am I wrong to feel like today was a waste of time? Am I a moron to think I’m doing the right thing? Why everytime I see kerri with josh do I have this inexplicable urge to strangle the fuck out of josh consiquences be damned? I understand josh is the baby daddy, but frankly, if he died I’d probably be happy for it as I know what he put kerri through and he deserves to be dead. I just don’t know, I know where her loyalties, kerri’s loyalties lie, but their’s still a part of me going, shane? You’ve been screwed before. This only happens when I know she’s with josh or I see josh with her downtown. I’m so afraid, so insecure right now it’s scary. I feel like I’m falling again, and nobody can catch me. I know who I love, but everytime I see sperm donnor I wonder, is he going to attempt to fill her brain with shit, and cause her to leave? I know this isn’t true, but my brain still thinks it.
ok, I’m done for now.
Sorry about the unorderlyness of this entry.
Before I go, everyone who knows me knows who I love, and who I want to marry, who’s child I call my own, and who I’ll give my life for if it means her and that child survive. That child may not be my own biologically but blood aside, he’s my child, and nobody will change that.
I will try and come up with something with more substance in it at another time.

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Hello all,
This isn’t really an update, more of a show you people two songs I like.
The first one im gonna comment a bit on.
I was listening to terri clark’s unsung hero tonight. And began thinking. This song, really fits me, right now.
Here are the lyrics to that song, and if this doesn’t make you go, wait a minute, im telling you, you aint human.

You sit in the shadows
You don’t complain or criticize
And while the world may see me as a fool
They’re not looking through your eyes
No questions asked, you’re there when I need you
With a love that inspires me to be everything you deserve
‘Cause you’re my unsung hero
And I know it’s not easy to walk in your shoes
Day after day you continue to amaze me
Now I sing this song of love for you
While others long to steal the spotlight
You work your magic quietly
Cause you’re not in it for the glory
The love you give comes naturally
I may not have much, but what I have I give to you
And this song that I sing is my gift
And I swear that I mean every word
‘Cause you’re my unsung hero
And I know it’s not easy to walk in your shoes
Day after day youcontinue to amaze me
Now I sing this song of love for you
‘Cause you’re my unsung hero
And I know it’s not easy to walk in your shoes
Day after day youcontinue to amaze me
Now I sing this song of love for you
Now I sing this song of love
For you

My favorite verse is this one.

While others long to steal the spotlight
You work your magic quietly
Cause you’re not in it for the glory
The love you give comes naturally
I may not have much, but what I have I give to you
And this song that I sing is my gift
And I swear that I mean every word
As kerri and my relationship has grown, people, have tried to steel the spotlight, tried to worm their way between us, but it hasn't worked, not at all.
We've had our fights, well, disagreements, per say. We've rolled through downtown Hamiltonian drama, and came out stronger for it. We've listened to people wine and bitch oh one of us is gonna cheet, (*growls*). Let me tell you, we've fuckin' heard it all.
This song, everytime I here it I just go, wow.
But that's not my all time favorite one.
This one, the one I'm just going to post the lyrics to, yeah, it so fits. Omg.
These are the lyrics to Keith Urban's thank you, off his newist album, defying gravity.

There were nights where I was sure
I wouldn’t see the morning sun
And there were days that seemed so dark
I couldn’t wait for night to come
I couldn’t stand to think about how
My life used to be
And how without a single warning
It all slipped away from me
Like a fool I thought I could fight
The shadows on my own
To the dark I was no stranger
But this was stronger than I’d known
And by the time I knew that I was too deep I’d gone too far
And the light that used to guide me
Had faded from my heart
And I found myself in places I thought I’d never go
Surrounded by stangers I was so far away from home
And I don’t know how you found me
All I know is I owe you everything
Yes I do
And I thank you for my heart
I thank you for my life
And I thank god for grace and mercy
And that you became my wife
I’m seeing for the first time
The stars, the sun and moon
But they’ve got nothing on the power
Of this love I have for you
And I thank you, thank you
Now people say they’ll never stand beside you
They swear they never leave
But when the rain started falling
You know it only fell on me
When all I felt was so much pain and guilt and shame
I couldn’t even as for help
I don’t know if I believe in other lives
But when you came
There was something so familar
About the way you said my name
And the whole world started turning
And I swear that I’d been born again brand new
And it’s all because of you
[chorus]
And I’ve seen so many things
That I just can’t explain
But the miracle of miracles is how
With your love I was saved
[Chorus]
And I thank you for my heart
I thank you for my life
I thank god for grace and mercy
And that you became my wife
The day I started breathing
Was the day you took my hand
And ’til the day I die
Baby
I’ll forever be your man
And I thank you, I thank you

That’s all for now.
Nothing to content rich, but whatever, it’s something I felt like posting.
Talk to you all soon.

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I spouted off my opinions about this crap in a previous post noting the parts I had a problem with, but now I have a complete copy of the paperwork from kerri herself.
Their was no gag order on this so ha!
I’m putting it here for your review, and please, I beg of you, comment away!
also, please if you wish, listen to
jjrn
This coming Friday September 11, 2009 at 7PM eastern for a complete ass ripping of all as posted below.
If you miss it, I’ll be sure to get the segments uploaded for download within 48 hours of the end of the show and I’ll post an entry with them.
and now, let the fun… begin!
Note anything beginning with three stars and ending in three stars are notes inserted by kerri herself
also note that spelling was corrected, and abbreviated names were expanded.

1) CAS (social services) kinship given to myself (Barb) September 15, 2008 to date still have kinship of Arik. Kerri has supervised visits 3days weekly ***(they are not supervised they are partially supervised on Tues, and Thus by a Parent support worker, and are unsupervised on Wed)***
1.1) I Barb am asking the courts for joint custody
***(in Canada the booklet says Joint custody needs lots of cooperation, and works when both parties have same ideas and values of bringing up child. Courts are *RELUCTANT* to order joint custody if both parties do NOT agree to work together)***
Arik has resided with me since September 15, 2009 as a result of CAS intervention
***(I volentarily placed him in Barbs care *TEMPORARILY* to allow me to seek stable housing in Hamilton)***
my son Josh (father of Arik) has signed over his parental rights because he *cannot* safely care for his son Arik because of his disability CP, but he maintains regular visits supervised in my home *whenever* he wishes to visit with his son Arik ***(Please note that I see Arik 3days a week)***
2) I feel that Kerri has alot of anger issues, a very bad temper that is presently being controled by the use of antidepressants
***(note that I have been diagnosed with situational depression and suicidal tendencies. As well as panic attacks)***
She leads a very unstable life, boyfriends coming and going all of which have some form of disability. In wheelchairs
***(my *friend* Mark who has Spina)***
hard of hearing
***(my ex Eric who was deaf in one ear)***
and present boyfriend who is completely blind. All of these factors present danger issues where my grandson is concerned Kerri seems to feel I am discriminating against her choices in fact I am only concerned for Arik’s safety. In light that his father is disabled. Kerri has had alot of problems dealing with Arik as a baby issues with temper, anger, feeding issues, and Arik was left in crib for most of first 8 months as a baby.
***(again note I suffered from depression)***
He was neglected constantly and I was called day and night at all hours.
***Barb was called to assist where temper was concerned.***
3) I would also like the courts to put in place an order that Kerri cannot move outside of Hamilton,
***(note that I’m not a criminal and on parole, I am not a sex offender, nor am I a child molester)***
as Arik’s whole support group lives in Hamilton. Kerri’s family visits Arik when possible but are not a reliable support group due to the fact that her grandparents are older and in bad health and her father Bruce is legally blind and needs assistance himself. ***(note the shot at blind people again)***
5)
***(yes we went from 3 to 5 Barb cant count, this is the best part***
Kerri has a real problem thinking outside the box of everyday decision making and common sence. She needs constant reassurance and guidance of her decision making tasks, right from wrong and what’s appropriate or not. There is always someone present to tell her what to do and how to do it.

I can’t wait to see your comments!

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my location: sitting on my bed.
currently listening to: Kelly pickler – I wonder
currently doing: talking to amber doug and eryn on skype
currently feeling: accomplished

Hello faithful readers,
A lot has happened since my postings about freedom scientific.
I’m finally settled into my knew place and things are looking up in that department.
I met some of the neighbors when I was across the street at the store and I really like them.
Why are things looking up?
Well, as some of you know my facebook status has been single for the longest time, but on April 25, 2009 that all changed.
I’d had a very small interest in this person for about 3 month’s, small enough that I pushed it back, didn’t act on it, didn’t even tell anyone that I had this interest, and no, I didn’t even tell the person that this interest involved about it.
As the month’s progressed things started getting stronger, I ignored it, becuase I didn’t feel it was really worth my time, I kept thinking it wouldn’t work, I didn’t want anything to do with it.
That was my thought process until about the 22nd of April.
I finally got up the courage to tell this person that I had feelings for them, and well I didn’t get a straight answer from that conversation until late on April 24th.
I won’t bore you with the details but never the less, amber and I are a couple, and things are falling into place for her to be up here between now and the first part of June.
She’s given me a reason to love again, and a reason to let someone into my heart again.
It’s been almost a month for the two of us, but I haven’t felt better about a relationship in a long time.
Some other things of note.
Amber has been wining about wanting a pantech duo, so I’m replacing my pantech with a samsung black Jack II and giving her mypantech.
She’s also getting a netbook so that means I’ll get her laptop. smile.
Anyhow, I have to go because I am ignoring those on skype.
talk to yall later.

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Hello everyone. It’s been awhile since I’ve posted an actual blog post. Over a month I believe. A lot has happened over these past months.
This is going to be one long post, so sit back and enjoy! My company shaneD.net hosting services endured two server attacks witch we recovered nicely from. While dealing with those, my relationship with

rose took a turn for the better. I finally got up the courage to tell

my parents about rose and myself and our plans to move in together. To

my astonishment and joy, both parents were supportive of me 100%. They

really wanted to meet Rose, so I started putting things in place for

Rose to come over for the Christmas Holidays. After a few setbacks

regarding transportation, as of Monday, Rose is going to spend the

Christmas holidays at my house! I’m happy to say Rose will finally

have a christmas holiday to remember for the rest of her life. The

past two years for her have been hell at Christmas time, and I vowed

that this year would be different, and I’m proud to say I’ve been able

to make that happen! We’ve had some crap from the school

administration, but persistance has paid off and the school is finally

understanding that this relationship is much much more than a game.

I’m not playing around, I’m dead serious about this relationship, and

no matter what I am told, I will be their until the death do us part.

This is god’s will, and god’s calling for me to be apart of this

wonderful girl’s life, and I thank god every waking moment for her.

She’s the joy in my life. She’s been my rock when I’ve needed someone.

She’s picked me up when I’ve hit rock bottom. She’s kicked my ass when

I’ve needed it. She’s the reason I carry on each and every day.

Everyone might call me strange for writing this, but let me tell you

dear reader one thing, I’ve been better with her. She’s my all. God

has brought us together and made it possible for us to stick by each

other through it all. We had a rocky start but god made this all

possible, and nothing else will ever break us apart.
I’d like to share a little something with you all. Something I wrote

about two months ago. I never thought I could write this, but god’s

hand was involved with this, and I’d like to share it with you all.
Begin poem.
True relationships never really die
And family isn’t defined by blood
It’s made strong by bonds that won’t break
Tempered and tested by trials and pain
what you mean to me is more than words can describe
you’ve been loyal to me from the beginning
And no matter what happens between this moment and then
I shall be always thankful to have you in my life.
You’ve been their when I’ve needed someone to talk to
you’ve been their when I’ve needed a hsolder to cry on.
When things got tough, you were always their, ready to help, and assist

me.
You made me see my errors and helped me fix them
you brought me to an understanding that I’ve never had.
You’ve showed me what it means to be loved and what love really means.
It’s not the words or the intimacy that defines what love is.
it’s the closeness, the bond between two people, that make love what

love is.
You’ve showed me what it means to be happy, to have someone who truly

loves me.
When I asked you that day way back when, I expected to be rejected, to

be pushed away because of who I was, what I had done in the past.
Not you. You excepted me for who I was.
You didn’t ask me to change who I was, to change my personality to suit

your needs.
You became my rock, my everything.
You are the reason I continue to carry on through the tough times.
You are the reason I want to get up in the morning.
You are my strength, my shield, my all.
Without you, I don’t know where I’d be.
I love you, and will love you forever and ever.
End poem.
Dear blog reader, as you read through that little piece of writing, I

hope that makes you understand my true feelings for the one I truly

love, and will do whatever it takes, even death, to protect her and

make sure she is cared for. It’s been almost a year for us both, and

it feels like we’ve known each other our entire lives. I’ve shared

things with Rose that I never thought I’d ever share with anyone my

entire life.
This has turned into a long post, but it’s not overyet.
A lot of people have said to me that I’d never be able to succeed in a

relationship, I’d never have someone that cared about me. That is not

true, and if the contents of this entry doesn’t prove that, I don’t

know what will. I’m not going to take anyone’s crap, I’ve worked way

too hard to leave now. I still remember the night, back in February of

2006, and I remember it all like it was yesterday. I still remember

the day in March when things got nasty, and we had to rethink it, it

hurt me, and I thought god had let me down again. As the saying goes,

things have to get worse before they get better. When Rose approached

me in July, and asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend again, I had

to seriously think about it. I’d been hurt before, and I wasn’t ready

to be hurt again. I took two weeks and thought, and praid about it. I

asked god to guide me in what to do, and he has done so. We’re

together, and I’m not leaving, ever! I’ve said it before, and I’ll

continue to say so time and time again. I love that girl to pieces and

I’d do anything to make her happy, whatever it took. Those who know me

well, know that when I say something, I mean it. When I say I’m going

to be here, and you can count on me, and I would do anything to save

and protect someone, you can bet your ass that I mean it! When it

comes to things like this I don’t joke around. I’ve already delt with

one loser who decided to screw with me and my relationship. They were

dealt with harshly, and lord help him if he ever screws with me and my

girl, again! If he does, so help me god, it’ll be the last thing he

ever does! This isn’t very nice of me, but if I have to kill him to

protect hir, I will! I really hope he learned his lesson the last

time, so it won’t have to come to that, but if it does, then so be it!

I’d rather see him dead then hurt the one I’ve sworn to protect and

charish. We may not be married, but you can bet your paycheck that if

we have our way, it’s going to happen.
We’ve already discussed the matter, grin, and it’s what we want. What

else can I say folks, besides what’s already been said here. It’s

reality and that’s life. I’m not going to leave just because crap gets

rough. That’s not me, and anyone who knows me at all should know that

by now. If you don’t then, I’m sorry to say you are officially stupid

and demented in the head. I know your all probably calling me stupid

because of the length of this post and your probably calling me stupid

for me writing my feelings about the one I love. Well, to bad for you,

it’s my blog, and I’ll write about whatever I feel like. You can like

it or lump it. No matter, it’s my blog and I’ll write about what I

want to write about and if you don’t like it, well, then you can just

shove off. I’ve really got nothing else to say. r />Before I go, let me just say one more thing.
I thank god each and every day for the people in my life. I thank him

for bringing me and Rose together and keeping us together through it

all. I thank him for people like Kelly, Kevin, hailey, Emily, and

everyone else who has stuck by us both and givin the both of us support

and advice when we’ve needed it. Without you guys, I’m not sure where

I’d be.
Their hav been times where I’ve wanted to just give up on god and the

whole relationship thing, but something told me to stick it out, and

one day I’d find someone. And boy was everyone rright on the money!

Not everyone are complete jerks, and their are people that give a crap.

in this world.
Rose hasnt’ cared about my differences. She excepts me for who I am.

She doesn’t ask me to change to suit her needs and wants, and I don’t

expect her to change for me. When their’s a problem we sit and talk it

out and not fight over it. I’ve learned that I don’t have to be scared

to bring situations to her attention, and I’m thankful for that

comfort.
Well, that’s all I have to right.
Thanks all.
May the lord bless you and keep you safe.
May heaven smile upon you, and with you I am praying.
Until next time folks.

Popularity: 4%

Hello everyone. It’s been awhile since I’ve posted an actual blog post. Over a month I believe. A lot has happened over these past months.
This is going to be one long post, so sit back and enjoy! My company shaneD.net hosting services endured two server attacks witch we recovered nicely from. While dealing with those, my relationship with

rose took a turn for the better. I finally got up the courage to tell

my parents about rose and myself and our plans to move in together. To

my astonishment and joy, both parents were supportive of me 100%. They

really wanted to meet Rose, so I started putting things in place for

Rose to come over for the Christmas Holidays. After a few setbacks

regarding transportation, as of Monday, Rose is going to spend the

Christmas holidays at my house! I’m happy to say Rose will finally

have a christmas holiday to remember for the rest of her life. The

past two years for her have been hell at Christmas time, and I vowed

that this year would be different, and I’m proud to say I’ve been able

to make that happen! We’ve had some crap from the school

administration, but persistance has paid off and the school is finally

understanding that this relationship is much much more than a game.

I’m not playing around, I’m dead serious about this relationship, and

no matter what I am told, I will be their until the death do us part.

This is god’s will, and god’s calling for me to be apart of this

wonderful girl’s life, and I thank god every waking moment for her.

She’s the joy in my life. She’s been my rock when I’ve needed someone.

She’s picked me up when I’ve hit rock bottom. She’s kicked my ass when

I’ve needed it. She’s the reason I carry on each and every day.

Everyone might call me strange for writing this, but let me tell you

dear reader one thing, I’ve been better with her. She’s my all. God

has brought us together and made it possible for us to stick by each

other through it all. We had a rocky start but god made this all

possible, and nothing else will ever break us apart.
I’d like to share a little something with you all. Something I wrote

about two months ago. I never thought I could write this, but god’s

hand was involved with this, and I’d like to share it with you all.
Begin poem.
True relationships never really die
And family isn’t defined by blood
It’s made strong by bonds that won’t break
Tempered and tested by trials and pain
what you mean to me is more than words can describe
you’ve been loyal to me from the beginning
And no matter what happens between this moment and then
I shall be always thankful to have you in my life.
You’ve been their when I’ve needed someone to talk to
you’ve been their when I’ve needed a hsolder to cry on.
When things got tough, you were always their, ready to help, and assist

me.
You made me see my errors and helped me fix them
you brought me to an understanding that I’ve never had.
You’ve showed me what it means to be loved and what love really means.
It’s not the words or the intimacy that defines what love is.
it’s the closeness, the bond between two people, that make love what

love is.
You’ve showed me what it means to be happy, to have someone who truly

loves me.
When I asked you that day way back when, I expected to be rejected, to

be pushed away because of who I was, what I had done in the past.
Not you. You excepted me for who I was.
You didn’t ask me to change who I was, to change my personality to suit

your needs.
You became my rock, my everything.
You are the reason I continue to carry on through the tough times.
You are the reason I want to get up in the morning.
You are my strength, my shield, my all.
Without you, I don’t know where I’d be.
I love you, and will love you forever and ever.
End poem.
Dear blog reader, as you read through that little piece of writing, I

hope that makes you understand my true feelings for the one I truly

love, and will do whatever it takes, even death, to protect her and

make sure she is cared for. It’s been almost a year for us both, and

it feels like we’ve known each other our entire lives. I’ve shared

things with Rose that I never thought I’d ever share with anyone my

entire life.
This has turned into a long post, but it’s not overyet.
A lot of people have said to me that I’d never be able to succeed in a

relationship, I’d never have someone that cared about me. That is not

true, and if the contents of this entry doesn’t prove that, I don’t

know what will. I’m not going to take anyone’s crap, I’ve worked way

too hard to leave now. I still remember the night, back in February of

2006, and I remember it all like it was yesterday. I still remember

the day in March when things got nasty, and we had to rethink it, it

hurt me, and I thought god had let me down again. As the saying goes,

things have to get worse before they get better. When Rose approached

me in July, and asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend again, I had

to seriously think about it. I’d been hurt before, and I wasn’t ready

to be hurt again. I took two weeks and thought, and praid about it. I

asked god to guide me in what to do, and he has done so. We’re

together, and I’m not leaving, ever! I’ve said it before, and I’ll

continue to say so time and time again. I love that girl to pieces and

I’d do anything to make her happy, whatever it took. Those who know me

well, know that when I say something, I mean it. When I say I’m going

to be here, and you can count on me, and I would do anything to save

and protect someone, you can bet your ass that I mean it! When it

comes to things like this I don’t joke around. I’ve already delt with

one loser who decided to screw with me and my relationship. They were

dealt with harshly, and lord help him if he ever screws with me and my

girl, again! If he does, so help me god, it’ll be the last thing he

ever does! This isn’t very nice of me, but if I have to kill him to

protect hir, I will! I really hope he learned his lesson the last

time, so it won’t have to come to that, but if it does, then so be it!

I’d rather see him dead then hurt the one I’ve sworn to protect and

charish. We may not be married, but you can bet your paycheck that if

we have our way, it’s going to happen.
We’ve already discussed the matter, grin, and it’s what we want. What

else can I say folks, besides what’s already been said here. It’s

reality and that’s life. I’m not going to leave just because crap gets

rough. That’s not me, and anyone who knows me at all should know that

by now. If you don’t then, I’m sorry to say you are officially stupid

and demented in the head. I know your all probably calling me stupid

because of the length of this post and your probably calling me stupid

for me writing my feelings about the one I love. Well, to bad for you,

it’s my blog, and I’ll write about whatever I feel like. You can like

it or lump it. No matter, it’s my blog and I’ll write about what I

want to write about and if you don’t like it, well, then you can just

shove off. I’ve really got nothing else to say.
Before I go, let me just say one more thing.
I thank god each and every day for the people in my life. I thank him

for bringing me and Rose together and keeping us together through it

all. I thank him for people like Kelly, Kevin, hailey, Emily, and

everyone else who has stuck by us both and givin the both of us support

and advice when we’ve needed it. Without you guys, I’m not sure where

I’d be.
Their hav been times where I’ve wanted to just give up on god and the

whole relationship thing, but something told me to stick it out, and

one day I’d find someone. And boy was everyone rright on the money!

Not everyone are complete jerks, and their are people that give a crap.

in this world.
Rose hasnt’ cared about my differences. She excepts me for who I am.

She doesn’t ask me to change to suit her needs and wants, and I don’t

expect her to change for me. When their’s a problem we sit and talk it

out and not fight over it. I’ve learned that I don’t have to be scared

to bring situations to her attention, and I’m thankful for that

comfort.
Well, that’s all I have to right.
Thanks all.
May the lord bless you and keep you safe.
May heaven smile upon you, and with you I am praying.
Until next time folks.

Popularity: 3%

>Hello everyone. It’s been awhile since I’ve posted an actual blog post. Over a month I believe. A lot has happened over these past months.
This is going to be one long post, so sit back and enjoy! My company shaneD.net hosting services endured two server attacks witch we recovered nicely from. While dealing with those, my relationship with

rose took a turn for the better. I finally got up the courage to tell

my parents about rose and myself and our plans to move in together. To

my astonishment and joy, both parents were supportive of me 100%. They

really wanted to meet Rose, so I started putting things in place for

Rose to come over for the Christmas Holidays. After a few setbacks

regarding transportation, as of Monday, Rose is going to spend the

Christmas holidays at my house! I’m happy to say Rose will finally

have a christmas holiday to remember for the rest of her life. The

past two years for her have been hell at Christmas time, and I vowed

that this year would be different, and I’m proud to say I’ve been able

to make that happen! We’ve had some crap from the school

administration, but persistance has paid off and the school is finally

understanding that this relationship is much much more than a game.

I’m not playing around, I’m dead serious about this relationship, and

no matter what I am told, I will be their until the death do us part.

This is god’s will, and god’s calling for me to be apart of this

wonderful girl’s life, and I thank god every waking moment for her.

She’s the joy in my life. She’s been my rock when I’ve needed someone.

She’s picked me up when I’ve hit rock bottom. She’s kicked my ass when

I’ve needed it. She’s the reason I carry on each and every day.

Everyone might call me strange for writing this, but let me tell you

dear reader one thing, I’ve been better with her. She’s my all. God

has brought us together and made it possible for us to stick by each

other through it all. We had a rocky start but god made this all

possible, and nothing else will ever break us apart.
I’d like to share a little something with you all. Something I wrote

about two months ago. I never thought I could write this, but god’s

hand was involved with this, and I’d like to share it with you all.
Begin poem.
True relationships never really die
And family isn’t defined by blood
It’s made strong by bonds that won’t break
Tempered and tested by trials and pain
what you mean to me is more than words can describe
you’ve been loyal to me from the beginning
And no matter what happens between this moment and then
I shall be always thankful to have you in my life.
You’ve been their when I’ve needed someone to talk to
you’ve been their when I’ve needed a hsolder to cry on.
When things got tough, you were always their, ready to help, and assist

me.
You made me see my errors and helped me fix them
you brought me to an understanding that I’ve never had.
You’ve showed me what it means to be loved and what love really means.
It’s not the words or the intimacy that defines what love is.
it’s the closeness, the bond between two people, that make love what

love is.
You’ve showed me what it means to be happy, to have someone who truly

loves me.
When I asked you that day way back when, I expected to be rejected, to

be pushed away because of who I was, what I had done in the past.
Not you. You excepted me for who I was.
You didn’t ask me to change who I was, to change my personality to suit

your needs.
You became my rock, my everything.
You are the reason I continue to carry on through the tough times.
You are the reason I want to get up in the morning.
You are my strength, my shield, my all.
Without you, I don’t know where I’d be.
I love you, and will love you forever and ever.
End poem.
Dear blog reader, as you read through that little piece of writing, I

hope that makes you understand my true feelings for the one I truly

love, and will do whatever it takes, even death, to protect her and

make sure she is cared for. It’s been almost a year for us both, and

it feels like we’ve known each other our entire lives. I’ve shared

things with Rose that I never thought I’d ever share with anyone my

entire life.
This has turned into a long post, but it’s not overyet.
A lot of people have said to me that I’d never be able to succeed in a

relationship, I’d never have someone that cared about me. That is not

true, and if the contents of this entry doesn’t prove that, I don’t

know what will. I’m not going to take anyone’s crap, I’ve worked way

too hard to leave now. I still remember the night, back in February of

2006, and I remember it all like it was yesterday. I still remember

the day in March when things got nasty, and we had to rethink it, it

hurt me, and I thought god had let me down again. As the saying goes,

things have to get worse before they get better. When Rose approached

me in July, and asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend again, I had

to seriously think about it. I’d been hurt before, and I wasn’t ready

to be hurt again. I took two weeks and thought, and praid about it. I

asked god to guide me in what to do, and he has done so. We’re

together, and I’m not leaving, ever! I’ve said it before, and I’ll

continue to say so time and time again. I love that girl to pieces and

I’d do anything to make her happy, whatever it took. Those who know me

well, know that when I say something, I mean it. When I say I’m going

to be here, and you can count on me, and I would do anything to save

and protect someone, you can bet your ass that I mean it! When it

comes to things like this I don’t joke around. I’ve already delt with

one loser who decided to screw with me and my relationship. They were

dealt with harshly, and lord help him if he ever screws with me and my

girl, again! If he does, so help me god, it’ll be the last thing he

ever does! This isn’t very nice of me, but if I have to kill him to

protect hir, I will! I really hope he learned his lesson the last

time, so it won’t have to come to that, but if it does, then so be it!

I’d rather see him dead then hurt the one I’ve sworn to protect and

charish. We may not be married, but you can bet your paycheck that if

we have our way, it’s going to happen.
We’ve already discussed the matter, grin, and it’s what we want. What

else can I say folks, besides what’s already been said here. It’s

reality and that’s life. I’m not going to leave just because crap gets

rough. That’s not me, and anyone who knows me at all should know that

by now. If you don’t then, I’m sorry to say you are officially stupid

and demented in the head. I know your all probably calling me stupid

because of the length of this post and your probably calling me stupid

for me writing my feelings about the one I love. Well, to bad for you,

it’s my blog, and I’ll write about whatever I feel like. You can like

it or lump it. No matter, it’s my blog and I’ll write about what I

want to write about and if you don’t like it, well, then you can just

shove off. I’ve really got nothing else to say.
Before I go, let me just say one more thing.
I thank god each and every day for the people in my life. I thank him

for bringing me and Rose together and keeping us together through it

all. I thank him for people like Kelly, Kevin, hailey, Emily, and

everyone else who has stuck by us both and givin the both of us support

and advice when we’ve needed it. Without you guys, I’m not sure where

I’d be.
Their hav been times where I’ve wanted to just give up on god and the

whole relationship thing, but something told me to stick it out, and

one day I’d find someone. And boy was everyone rright on the money!

Not everyone are complete jerks, and their are people that give a crap.

in this world.
Rose hasnt’ cared about my differences. She excepts me for who I am.

She doesn’t ask me to change to suit her needs and wants, and I don’t

expect her to change for me. When their’s a problem we sit and talk it

out and not fight over it. I’ve learned that I don’t have to be scared

to bring situations to her attention, and I’m thankful for that

comfort.
Well, that’s all I have to right.
Thanks all.
May the lord bless you and keep you safe.
May heaven smile upon you, and with you I am praying.
Until next time folks.

Popularity: unranked